


Before You Go

by sandean_cas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: BAMF Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel Can Hear Longing (Supernatural), Castiel Confesses Feelings for Dean Winchester, Castiel Makes a Deal with The Shadow (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel is Loved (Supernatural), Castiel is Protective of Dean Winchester, Castiel's Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Castiel's Handprint (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Loves Castiel, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Dean Winchester Thinks Castiel is Dead, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Destiel Week (Supernatural), Episode: s15e18 Despair, Episode: s15e18 Despair - Castiel's Confession Scene, Hopeful Ending, I Love You, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Dean Winchester, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27439399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandean_cas/pseuds/sandean_cas
Summary: When Castiel is gone, Dean sits alone and finally let's the true meaning of the angel's words sink in.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 125





	Before You Go

**Author's Note:**

> SPOILERS FOR 15X18

Dean’s tears have long dried, but the hole in his chest remains. Gaping. Empty without Cass.

Part of him wants to get up right away and start searching for a way to save him… because they _have_ to save him. Screw ‘forever.’ Screw Cass’ deal. If Dean needs to stab the Empty right in its back like Cass did with Billie, then so be it. Dean _wants_ to get up.

He _wants_ to feel anger and adrenaline coursing through his veins.

Dean _wants_ a lot of things - things he thought he could never have.

But all he feels is despair. Bone deep, soul crushing, despair.

And despite the tears in his eyes and the vulnerability in his voice, Dean’s never seen his friend happier than in that moment. “ **_Happiness isn’t in the having. It’s in just being. It’s in just saying it._ **”

Even as Cass approached him slowly he could feel their time together drawing to a close. The things the angel said… Dean’s mind is still ringing with those words. **_You’re the most caring man on earth._ **

It must have been so long, so torturous for him to be happy from just _saying it._

Now that he knows Cass never saw him the way others did - that he saw Dean as something kind and loving - Dean doesn’t know how to unpack that. He doesn’t know how to cope with the fact that Cass cared about the world because of Dean.

Dean set out to change the angel, but he never realised the change would be so profound. So powerful that not even God himself could predict it.

The wave of emotions canceled each other out and he could barely keep himself standing. The only thought blaring loudly in his mind: _Cass is going to die._

To save _Dean_ of all people. After all he’d put him through over the last year… he’d do it to save Dean.

And then the confession: “ **_I love you._ **”

It feels as though the words burnt themselves onto his very soul. Like a brand of honour. Cass loves him. And Dean had just stood there dumbly… mute, until Cass pushed him out of the way.

 _Cass is dead._ The words feel like poison. He can’t believe that he’s gone - just like that.

Now as he sits on the cold unforgiving floor, he can’t help but think about Cass’ words. His sacrifice. About how it meant everything to Dean, even though he couldn’t say it.

Because Cass was right. He isn’t fueled by hate or anger when he pushes himself to his feet - he’s driven by love. Love for Cass, the angel who somehow became his whole world.

**Author's Note:**

> SOMEONE SEND HELPPPPP I CAN'T STOP WRITING FICS AFTER THAT TOT


End file.
